5.21.2005

Back.

Yep, after ~2 weeks of experimenting with html on Verizon's free hosting for DSL customers and just being too bored to post anything, I am back. Obviously. There's going to be more breaks like this from now on, but once I get out of school I'll be posting every day...I think.

5.05.2005

Pure genius.

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl told her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.
The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the counter, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms 3-pack, 10-pack, or a family pack.
"I'm REALLY going to give it to this girl," the boy tells the pharmacist.
"I intend to plug every orifice in her body at LEAST twice!!" The pharmacist, with a laugh, suggests the family pack, saying the boy will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,
come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer with his head down.
10 minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,
"I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back,
"I had no idea your father was a fucking pharmacist!"

5.04.2005

Genius.

My God brings all the people to their knees
And I'm like,
He's better than yours,
Damn right, He's better than yours,
I could teach you,
But I have to charge

I know you want to
Worship Him with me
Whom we all go crazy for
We lose our minds
Searching for signs
Of the end of the world

La la-la la la
Stop sinning
La la- la la la
Our God is watching

My religion is the one to follow
And I'm like,
You better or else,
Damn right, or you'll burn in hell,
I'll force it on you
If you dare say no

I see you lost your faith
You want me to teach you
Prayers that'll save your soul
They can't be bought
But I'll take what you got,
Pay up for God

La la- la la la
Stop sinning
La la- la la la
Our God is watching

My handshake shows that I'm friendly to all
But only
If you're in my church,
Damn right, better be in church,
Those who don't go
Should be scorned by all

Once you get involved
Believe me, we won't let you out,
You must give up your life,
Know the bible inside out,
Never wear short-sleeve shirts,
No above-ankle skirts,
God forbid you ever flirt
'Cause it's against 'His word'

La la- la la la
Stop sinning
La la- la la la

My God brings all the people to their knees
And I'm like,
He's better than yours
Damn right, he's better than yours,
I could teach you
But I have to charge.

------

In other news, I want this shirt badly.

:O

http://webaccelerator.google.com/

I...I think I love Google.
In case you don't know, web accelerators do work. They compress images to smaller sizes so you don't have to download more.